Tuesday, 6 November 2012

A True Wargamer?

I espied this over at Big Lee's Blog, and couldn't help myself!
EDIT: I don't know what the heck I did to the formatting last night when putting this up! I seem incapable of fixing it. Ugh, technology!
To genuinely call yourself a Wargamer, then you must have done most or all of the following:
* Spent at least £500 on figures / tanks - and you get extra kudos for every £500 you've spent
I remember totting up spending just on tanks for 40K back in the early 2000s, and even at that point I had expended between £1,000 and £1,500. Let's pretend I haven't spent more than another £500!  (3 points)
* Pricked your finger or thumb on a pike block - several times
Goblin spear...men? and Empire Halberdiers back in the early '90s, and more recently Great War BEF lancers. A definite yes! (1 point)
* Tried at least 10 different rule sets and vowed never to play half of them ever again
No glory for me here. Most of the sets I've bought I haven't even tried, lacking opponents! Those I have tried I am always up for a game with. (0 Points)
* Bought an army off EBay
Like Big Lee, I have never bought a whole army on eBay, but I have picked up the odd bargain or two. (0 Points)
* Sold an army on EBay
Perhaps a million tanks (a few scratchbuilt, and many converted somehow) have made their way to other loving arms, yes. (1 Points)
* spent months painting an army - then used it in anger once
Again, like Big Lee, I am going to add "or never" here. (1 Point)
* tried several different periods and genres
Oh, yes! The Great War with infantry on the one hand, and on the other battleships! Napoleonics, GW Fantasy, &c, &c, &c. (1 Point)
* dropped a box of figures on the floor from a great height
I winced in pain. I tend to find that it is less a question of dropping than of inadvertent brushing with a sleeve. (1 Point)
* lost a battle on the last throw of the dice
I don't know about this one. I tend to screw up pretty comprehensively! (0 Points)
* made at least one enemy for life
I don't think so. (0 Points)
* had a proper, stand up argument over a wargamers table
I had an inadvertent demi-argument about whether one could turn an immobilised Leman Russ, under rules from ten years ago. Nowadays I'd regard my former self as a frightful rules-lawyer! (1/2 Point)
* thrown a dice across a room
Merely growled at them wrathfully. (0 Points)
* rebased an army for a different rule set
Never. Though I admit to dabbling with the thought at one point. (0 points)
* inflicted a whopping defeat on an opponent
More than once, but since I tend to make up for it by crashing and burning, no harm is done! (1 Point)
* suffered an embarrassing defeat due to a stupid tactical decision
This is my regular style of play! (1 Point)
* joined a wargamers' club
Back at uni I was even Treasurer of our Club. (1 Point)
* bought a ton of lead that remains unpainted
II can even offer up items that Dad must have acquired - and he isn't even a wargamer! (1 Point)
* been to a wargamers' show
I have not, in main part because until the other February strangers scared the kerjigger out of me! (0 Points)
* have more dice than is logical or necessary to own - and have used most of them
  Er, yeah, definitely! (1 Point)
* have taken boxes of troops down to a club just to show them off to your mates
I, ooh, the question is vague . . . yeah, definitely! (1 Point)

* You have reference books on each period / army you play (I must have ten samurai books now)
Hell, yes! (1 Point)
* Having played so many different games you confidently quote rules for a totally different period, scale or ruleset to the one you're playing at that moment
Er, repeatedly. Granted, a lot of this is down to GW changing their 40K rules every few years. I play so seldom that I have no idea what's going on! (1 Point)
* You have lied to your partner / spouse about how much you've spent on the hobby
I'd be happier if I were saying yes to this! (0 Points)
* You get genuinely excited when a package arrives in the post
Every single time. (1 point)
* You have joined a re-enactment society (5 points for this one!)
No, but I have a number of mates involved in 'em, and once worked under a lawyer whose recreational activity was to fire a Springfield musket into his obsolete law books! (0 Points)
* You have played in an unsuitable venue 
  Ooh, is there really an unsuitable venue? Er, maybe that kitchen, with everyone going in and out all the time. OK, yeah! (1 Point) 
* You continue to search for the perfect Napoleonic / WW2 / Ancients / ACW etc. rule set (knowing that it doesn't actually exist).
I know I shouldn't! (1 Point)
* For that reason you have developed your own house rules for certain periods.  And think them far superior to the original author's efforts.
Nope. (0 Points)
* You have returned from a wargames show and sneaked upstairs to hide the stash.
Ah, having never been to a show... (0 Points)
* You have an irrational aversion to some genres and vow never to play them regardless of how much fun they look.
I have a mild aversion to Ancients, but not so strong as it'd put me off playing a game. (0 points)
* You have made your own wargames scenery.
So much of it that I am tempted to give myself 4 points, but I'll be parsimonious and stick to 2, given 1's the maximum. (2 Points)
* You have reached a painting 'wall' 
Perennially. (1 Point)
* You have lost - and regained - your wargaming mojo.
Perennially! (1 Point)
* You have the occasional (and short lived) sense of guilt with your wife/children when complaining to them about the money spent in clothes, shoes or toys/Xbox games when you have £200 of unpainted metal stuffed in an upstairs drawer.
I am not ignorant of this experience! (1 Point)
* You have done armies in different scales for the same period 
ACW in 6mm and 15mm, Napoleonics in 1/72 and 6mm, and surely others abound! (1 Point)
* You have jealously coveted someone else's troops.
Indubitably! (1 Point)
* You have laughed (secretly or otherwise) at someone else's paint job 
I have but raised an eyebrow! (0 Points)
* You have provided a piece of useless trivia relating to the troops on the table to show off your wargaming knowledge. 
Yes, and more than once! (1 point)
* You have contradicted someone else's trivia - demonstrating your superior knowledge and giving you a warm glow inside.
Glorious Evil! (1 Point)
* You have caused a major disaster on a wargames table (spilling a pint, collapsing the table, dropped someone else's figures on the floor). 
In a sense you could say that I set up a game so dreadfully that everyone was screwed over by it! (1 Point)
* You have cheered when an opponent's dice lets them down at a critical point (I have literally danced in front of someone when he failed a morale roll) 
Who has not? (1 point)
* You have lied to your partner about going gaming.  "Mother's not very well - just popping around to see her.  I'll be back in about - oh - seven hours".
Deplorable honesty is my forté! (0 Points)
* You have lied to an attractive woman (man) about your hobby.  
Uuuuuuum, yeah. Is there a way to avoid this? (1 Point)
* You have made an opponent cry.  It doesn't count if they are under 8 years old though.
No. (0 Points)
* You have painted the same army in the same scale more than once (Monty, you dawg!)  
No. (0 Points)
* You have reference books on armies you haven't even got.
This is so! (1 Point)
* You have bought figures for a period you have never and will never play - because they were cheap.
We're all guilty of that, aren't we? (1 Point)
* You have inflicted grievous bodily harm on a dice that has let you down. 
No, no, no! (0 Points)
* You blog or have a web-page about your Wargaming activities
Indubitably! (1 Point)
* Your book collection is almost all war and wargames related
Er, no. Sizeable amounts thereof, yes! Almost all? By no means! I include Dad's collection among mine (lots of trains), Mum's (genealogical stuff), my brother's (Garfield and some Japanese things). (0 Points)
* You critique 'war' movies (especially Hollywood war movies) for historical accuracy.
Forever! (1 Point)
* You spend car / train journeys checking out the lie of the land - considering which way you would attack from and whether it would make good wargaming terrain.
This accounts for my whole childhood! (1 Point)

Right, I think that adds up to 37.5/57, but since I somehow managed to forget my tally about three times, let's say that's an approximation!

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